I owe you an apology for my protracted silence. I was sidelined by a couple of medical procedures (one of them still in progress, though it’s not intrusive enough to be an excuse) I suspect the main reason is being overwhelmed by loneliness. Not of the social kind: as an introvert, I am not bothered by not having people around me at all times - quite the opposite. My idea of a good time is to walk my dog, then come home and work on music and hope no neighbors come knocking on my door (“What fresh hell is this”?) I have been a performer all my life and when on stage, I switch on George Version II. George Version II is a guy who loves to tell a joke, banter with the audience, introduce songs and get fully into the music. Then the last note is played, the applause fades and George Version I returns. That has often been a problem because people like to come up to performers and chat and I hate to let fans and friends down. At the same time, visions of a hot cup of tea and a comfortable sofa dance in my head and all I want is to be in my car, on the highway, heading home. All this just to illustrate that being alone, working alone, has never constituted loneliness for me.
The loneliness I’m talking about is a gnawing, pervasive feeling that increasingly, I inhabit a universe not shared by…well, really almost anyone. My universe includes science papers about the China Virus and videos by experts millions consider quacks, while that other universe, the one with inflation and shortages and failed policies is inhabited by braindead automatons and lead by the TRUE quacks and scammers. I often tell anyone who cares to listen that while the regime we live under shares many facets with the Communism I knew as a teenager, the crucial difference (and it is absolutely crucial) is that back then, no one was fooled by the grifters and scam artists who were our “leaders”. I cannot emphasize enough how essential that difference is: everywhere I go, my doctor, my dentist, my grocer even, they all live in a world of masks because they actually believe, despite 30 months of crushing evidence to the contrary, that masks work. When confronted, they repeat the party line. No one ever repeated the party line under Communism, unless they were rock solid Stalinists and there were almost none of those left during my time there.
The loneliness can be devastating and it seeps into all aspects of life until it morphs into a low grade, creeping depression. I am not writing this to elicit sympathy. I know there are millions (though not enough millions yet) who feel the same way I do. But to continue functioning “normally” is - in a small, almost intangible way - an admission of defeat. How does one function “normally”, go to work, go to the movies, go on vacations, make plans - when absolutely nothing is normal? Nothing at all normal in the world of boosters and masks, dysfunctional, corrupt governance, ignorance and indifference. In a world in which warmongering is cheered and in which “freedom” - the most cherished of human concepts - is derided as a shibboleth for “right wing extremism”, or as Canadian politician Jean Charest has put it it: “The word freedom is a dog whistle” How low can a formerly democratic society sink when the word “freedom” is practically blacklisted?
There you have it: it’s loneliness that prevents me from writing but I promise my Substack is alive and well and I will continue to type my thoughts on here when the cycle of energy ramps up a little
I would love for all of you to also check my music and subscribe to my band YouTube page at: youtube.com/swingboutique
Hold your head up!
So many of us feel the same. You are not alone.
I am grieving and pained by deep personal divisions with those I love fiercely. Some days I wish I could just be one of the brainwashed, cheerfully floating along in compliance to restore a relationship with my children, to unsee the truth and be content in delusion. Instead, we have this forced truce in my most important relationships where we work hard to ignore the elephant in the room and breathe a sigh of relief that we make it through an encounter without conflict. I’m a spiritual person, I seek to follow and serve Jesus Christ as the messiah. This faith keeps me moving forward and I try to reflect on generations of history who’ve gotten it so wrong, yet God remains constant. His love, His truth, His word and His creation remain unchained and unmovable. His promises are new every day. Others have gone through so much worse suffering and persecution. It’s hard to be aware when others are not, to attempt some balance with the good things in life while so many great evils prevail and are out of our control. I always wondered what it would be like to live in a time of pivotal historical change. Now I know, it’s frightening and unsettling. I pray I may be found worthy, to show kindness and love to those who don’t think like me. To persevere with peace in my heart, yet remaining strong and resolute when it’s easier to give in. To hope what we are doing will make a difference. Blessings to you and keep fighting the good fight- your voice really does MATTER.
…most assuredly, not alone!